poem by Steve Oedekerk, music by Vern Nelson ©1997
performed by Vern Nelson, live at the Forum, July 1997
Click HERE to hear the Real Audio file.
Fuck sharks.
Fuck sharks.
If you swim with them, they will eat you.
They will tear you to shreds without a thought.
They will tear you to shreds and leave your head for Richard Dreyfuss to
find.
Fuck sharks...
You cannot reason with them.
If you try to escape, they'll viciously attack.
If you try to pet them they will bite off your hand;
if you plead for your life they will chew you up.
They are rude...
Swimming murderers!!!
Some say, "Fuck Charles Manson."
At least Charles Manson's kind of small.
At least Charles Manson cannot grab you in his jaws,
and shake you like a rag doll.
Some say, "Fuck Charles Manson."
Some say, "Fuck Charles Manson."
But I say, I say: "FUCK SHARKS!!!"
Now they are endangered.
Good.
Pretty soon they'll be extinct.
Fine.
Fuck them.
I just want to take this opportunity to thank all the thousands of people who have given us their support in this critical and difficult time. It is when you take an uncompromising, principled stand like this that you discover who your real friends and enemies are, and you are forced to draw from your personal untapped wellprings of courage in the dark and lonely night of the soul, and the entire New World Order comes after you with its black helicopters, its DNA tests and CAT scans, the entire arsenal of oppression and obfuscation, driven secretly but not so subtly by the Pro-Shark Lobby with their allies in Washington, Moscow, and Baghdad, and one realizes finally how it must have felt to be Jesus Christ or Gandhi... Anyway I just want to thank all of you for your support.
---VPN.